A new year

Well, another year is flying by. I have been amazed at the amount of time it takes to actually blog.

I have been trying to have a set time with God each day, exercise daily, AND blog.

So far, I have been kind of successful. My next challenge is to learn how to transfer pictures from my camera to the laptop to my blog. Whew, I am tired just thinking about it. BUT, our school year is starting in 3 weeks and I want to track it daily on my blog. The good, the bad, the ugly of our year. I also would like to learn how to copy things from the internet and put them on my blog. Like videos and articles with lessons and such.

Maybe I need a mascot, like a sock monkey. I love sock monkeys.

I can take pictures of the sock monkey doing things, like school. He would be a good, obedient student. Maybe I am on to something. Hmmmm...

Back to the original thoughts,blog more, exercise, but most importantly, God time.

My hubby and I had a discussion last night, now remember, this is an honest blog.

If Adam and Eve were the only people we all decended from them. We know that, BUT,

Cain took a wife in Nod. Or, took a wife To Nod. So, how did they reproduce? It said that Adam and Eve had many daughters and sons and THEY all had kids. This was ok in biblical times because God allowed it UNTIL he later told Abraham that it was not ok anymore. Well, until further notice , this is the extent of my reasearch.

Until next time.....

What a Month

What a wonderful month. We had a HUGE surprise party for my parent's 50th Anniversary . We invited about 60 of their friends and family, including all three siblings and almost all of their families. My parents were SHOCKED beyond belief. My mom and dad were so impressed with how well we all pulled it off and my response was that we were raised to love each other and work well together, now you get to reap the benefits of how you raised us. What a blessing it is to truly enjoy your family. Not because you have to, but because you like them. I would hang around all of them even if we weren't related. I thank God for choosing this family for me to be a part of!

The gift of friendship

I am here to tell you without friends and God, I might be insane by now. I will be the first to admit that at the age of 27, with my first betrayal by a friend, I built some high, strong walls. I was so sure that there was not a great need for friendship, the risk was too great. Well, I met a friend who made me open up. We hung around each other for quite a while with no real obligations. Just a generic friendship. Then we started joking about things wondering if "this" means we are actually friends. Well, I am so blessed and so thankful for the friendship she has offered me. I love having friends and have had others now since her. God has used her to show me, the risk is well worth the reward. And I am no perfect friend anyway.
My friends have blessed my socks off in the last month or so through some very hard times. Actually, more like the last year really. And that is something new to me, love of friendship! You know who you are.
The one with short brown hair and 4 kids. Fellow God seeker, homeschooler. THANKS!
I also should mention the gift of a deeper kind of friendship, that of A spouse. My hubby has stood by me through some very challenging times lately, and continued to love and support me. Since I have been a wee kid of 16, I have liked AND loved him. That is another thing I am so thankful for, the gift of love. Thanks honey for being there for me.

Getting better

I am awaken this morning to a new revelation. I need to work on me. No other person can change all of this except for me. I also am very concerned about teaching my kids, especially my mini me, about choosing to act the right way. I always tell her it might not be easy, but it is a choice. HELLLO! Do I get it? Even when it is hard and messy, look at yourself and see what you can choose to do differently. Where can you grow or change? I have just as many, if not more, faults as the next guy.
I wnat to fully recover, and then enjoy life more. Do I know things might be difficult every once in a while, yup. Is it worth it, yup.
I know I will stand before God one day, or be face down in awe in front of him.
I will have to answer to him for my actions and my thoughts. I am resposible for how I react. NOT for how others choose to act.
The people I have been dealing with lately in my family have told me they love me, on my hubby's side as well as mine. I need to appreciate that, AND count my blessings. I am praying that my in-laws will all forgive me, for the things I have said, and understand I was just hurting bad and was crying out from sadness, not meaness.
I have such a peace about it all today, knowing God is in control and that His ways are perfect.
I will not act as the world does, I will choose love and kindness, because God wants me to!
I will hold myself accountable for all the wrong things I do, my own faults and short comings.
This will all help in my healing, my health, and it will help in the health of others around me that I have hurt. Wrong or right, who is to say I am right and they are wrong?
We all play a part and I know that!
I have to say how much this time in life has brought my hubby and I closer together. He has shown me so much grace, I have seen his heart for me and seen how much he loves me. He deserves a happy, healthy family and I can be very instumental in helping that happen.

I beg your pardon, I never promised you a rose garden

Is it ever important to learn early in life, sometimes life will just not be fair/
I am so thankful to have a blog I can run to, knowing just a few can read it. 2 to be exact, who know I exist here.
I can not believe the things that have happened the last few days. I am so sad.
I can not go into detail because it involves family, but I am a changed person. I will not go the way of the world and act as they want, but I am wiser and will remeber lessons I have learned. Kind of like messing with a dog that had food when you were ak id, and it bites you? I have learned many lessons, and I know God has a plan for it all.
My SIL came today and packed up all the girl's stuff, she has decided to adopt them now. I am sad to the bone. And there is a lot more thatn that has gone on.
I will forgive, but I will not forget.

God , I hurt so bad

I am surprised at a revelation I had today. Mark and I were talking and realized we had the same kind of thing happen last year that happened this year. Drama. I am so sad right now I can not even explain how bad I hurt. Life is very messy right now, it has been, and it won't get better soon. I have virtually just had two miscarriages. Not literally, but in my heart. The girls we want to adopt, will probably not be able to be adopted after all. This is not my choice! I will NEVER be the same again. EVER!!!!!!!!!!
I do not want to talk to anyone, I feel like cutting off communication with everyone. Except a few people that is.
I am so sick and tired of having to defend my choices, and then being called judgemental when I ASK a question, not even making a smartelic remark or rude comment. Double standards are killing me.
It's not about that stuff really, it's about the injustice in life. I can no longer even use energy thinking about this stuff. God has a plan and His plan is perfect. That is all I have to say.
I have cried rivers and I am DONE!

Ugh

I can honestly say I am very surprised at life right now. Ya know, I never had days where I wasn't thankful for my health, and now, I wish I had one day I felt good. This roller coaster of adrenal fatigue and no progesterone is horrible on a person's day. Not to mention , family. My kids have not had a fun, energetic mom in a long time. although they will tell you they like a mom at home sitting on the couch better! That is if I felt good.
This whole chiseling process is waring me down this year. I have been sick since July and I am not sure how much more I can stand? I am awake every night with my heart pounding, pounding HARD, out of my chest. It is a constant reminder that I am not healthy right now. That gets old. So do the bills form the doctors and the expenses of all the vitamins and such form the health food store. I know I sound so negative, but this blog is meant for me to keep a record of life, and this is it at the moment. Fun or not fun, it's going on here.
Hubby found out through his physical that he has dangerously high blood pressure and cholesterol. So, now we are on to that issue. Not to mention, becoming adoptive parents. What in the world should we do? Well, life is proving to be more challenging as the days go on, but I know God has a plan, and His plan is perfect.
2 Corinthians 4:17-18 .......For our light affliction, which is for a moment, work for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; while we look not at the things that are seen, but at the things that are not seen, for the things that are seen are temporal, but the things that are not seen are eternal.
Reading His word or typing it just gives me peace. I want to be so deep into His word, and have it so IN me , that this is the first thing my mind calls upon when I am facing trials, or want to complain. Just 5 minutes of typing His word , brings such a peace. How amazing is it, that He is concerned for me, that He really does love me and has a plan for my life? The key is to follow Him daily and be a good listener. Let's just say, listening has always been a struggle for me. Not listening, obeying. Trust and obey, you know the song, for there's no better way. Well, it's true. I am learning this daily.
At the moment, hubby and I are discussing how to handle stress. He is convinced that I need to confront my fears and get on his motorcyle with him and go on a motorcycle ride. He thinks this is therapy.For me it screams death. Well, off I go to see how it goes. I will post later.