Getting better

I am awaken this morning to a new revelation. I need to work on me. No other person can change all of this except for me. I also am very concerned about teaching my kids, especially my mini me, about choosing to act the right way. I always tell her it might not be easy, but it is a choice. HELLLO! Do I get it? Even when it is hard and messy, look at yourself and see what you can choose to do differently. Where can you grow or change? I have just as many, if not more, faults as the next guy.
I wnat to fully recover, and then enjoy life more. Do I know things might be difficult every once in a while, yup. Is it worth it, yup.
I know I will stand before God one day, or be face down in awe in front of him.
I will have to answer to him for my actions and my thoughts. I am resposible for how I react. NOT for how others choose to act.
The people I have been dealing with lately in my family have told me they love me, on my hubby's side as well as mine. I need to appreciate that, AND count my blessings. I am praying that my in-laws will all forgive me, for the things I have said, and understand I was just hurting bad and was crying out from sadness, not meaness.
I have such a peace about it all today, knowing God is in control and that His ways are perfect.
I will not act as the world does, I will choose love and kindness, because God wants me to!
I will hold myself accountable for all the wrong things I do, my own faults and short comings.
This will all help in my healing, my health, and it will help in the health of others around me that I have hurt. Wrong or right, who is to say I am right and they are wrong?
We all play a part and I know that!
I have to say how much this time in life has brought my hubby and I closer together. He has shown me so much grace, I have seen his heart for me and seen how much he loves me. He deserves a happy, healthy family and I can be very instumental in helping that happen.

I beg your pardon, I never promised you a rose garden

Is it ever important to learn early in life, sometimes life will just not be fair/
I am so thankful to have a blog I can run to, knowing just a few can read it. 2 to be exact, who know I exist here.
I can not believe the things that have happened the last few days. I am so sad.
I can not go into detail because it involves family, but I am a changed person. I will not go the way of the world and act as they want, but I am wiser and will remeber lessons I have learned. Kind of like messing with a dog that had food when you were ak id, and it bites you? I have learned many lessons, and I know God has a plan for it all.
My SIL came today and packed up all the girl's stuff, she has decided to adopt them now. I am sad to the bone. And there is a lot more thatn that has gone on.
I will forgive, but I will not forget.

God , I hurt so bad

I am surprised at a revelation I had today. Mark and I were talking and realized we had the same kind of thing happen last year that happened this year. Drama. I am so sad right now I can not even explain how bad I hurt. Life is very messy right now, it has been, and it won't get better soon. I have virtually just had two miscarriages. Not literally, but in my heart. The girls we want to adopt, will probably not be able to be adopted after all. This is not my choice! I will NEVER be the same again. EVER!!!!!!!!!!
I do not want to talk to anyone, I feel like cutting off communication with everyone. Except a few people that is.
I am so sick and tired of having to defend my choices, and then being called judgemental when I ASK a question, not even making a smartelic remark or rude comment. Double standards are killing me.
It's not about that stuff really, it's about the injustice in life. I can no longer even use energy thinking about this stuff. God has a plan and His plan is perfect. That is all I have to say.
I have cried rivers and I am DONE!