Getting better

I am awaken this morning to a new revelation. I need to work on me. No other person can change all of this except for me. I also am very concerned about teaching my kids, especially my mini me, about choosing to act the right way. I always tell her it might not be easy, but it is a choice. HELLLO! Do I get it? Even when it is hard and messy, look at yourself and see what you can choose to do differently. Where can you grow or change? I have just as many, if not more, faults as the next guy.
I wnat to fully recover, and then enjoy life more. Do I know things might be difficult every once in a while, yup. Is it worth it, yup.
I know I will stand before God one day, or be face down in awe in front of him.
I will have to answer to him for my actions and my thoughts. I am resposible for how I react. NOT for how others choose to act.
The people I have been dealing with lately in my family have told me they love me, on my hubby's side as well as mine. I need to appreciate that, AND count my blessings. I am praying that my in-laws will all forgive me, for the things I have said, and understand I was just hurting bad and was crying out from sadness, not meaness.
I have such a peace about it all today, knowing God is in control and that His ways are perfect.
I will not act as the world does, I will choose love and kindness, because God wants me to!
I will hold myself accountable for all the wrong things I do, my own faults and short comings.
This will all help in my healing, my health, and it will help in the health of others around me that I have hurt. Wrong or right, who is to say I am right and they are wrong?
We all play a part and I know that!
I have to say how much this time in life has brought my hubby and I closer together. He has shown me so much grace, I have seen his heart for me and seen how much he loves me. He deserves a happy, healthy family and I can be very instumental in helping that happen.

I beg your pardon, I never promised you a rose garden

Is it ever important to learn early in life, sometimes life will just not be fair/
I am so thankful to have a blog I can run to, knowing just a few can read it. 2 to be exact, who know I exist here.
I can not believe the things that have happened the last few days. I am so sad.
I can not go into detail because it involves family, but I am a changed person. I will not go the way of the world and act as they want, but I am wiser and will remeber lessons I have learned. Kind of like messing with a dog that had food when you were ak id, and it bites you? I have learned many lessons, and I know God has a plan for it all.
My SIL came today and packed up all the girl's stuff, she has decided to adopt them now. I am sad to the bone. And there is a lot more thatn that has gone on.
I will forgive, but I will not forget.

God , I hurt so bad

I am surprised at a revelation I had today. Mark and I were talking and realized we had the same kind of thing happen last year that happened this year. Drama. I am so sad right now I can not even explain how bad I hurt. Life is very messy right now, it has been, and it won't get better soon. I have virtually just had two miscarriages. Not literally, but in my heart. The girls we want to adopt, will probably not be able to be adopted after all. This is not my choice! I will NEVER be the same again. EVER!!!!!!!!!!
I do not want to talk to anyone, I feel like cutting off communication with everyone. Except a few people that is.
I am so sick and tired of having to defend my choices, and then being called judgemental when I ASK a question, not even making a smartelic remark or rude comment. Double standards are killing me.
It's not about that stuff really, it's about the injustice in life. I can no longer even use energy thinking about this stuff. God has a plan and His plan is perfect. That is all I have to say.
I have cried rivers and I am DONE!

Ugh

I can honestly say I am very surprised at life right now. Ya know, I never had days where I wasn't thankful for my health, and now, I wish I had one day I felt good. This roller coaster of adrenal fatigue and no progesterone is horrible on a person's day. Not to mention , family. My kids have not had a fun, energetic mom in a long time. although they will tell you they like a mom at home sitting on the couch better! That is if I felt good.
This whole chiseling process is waring me down this year. I have been sick since July and I am not sure how much more I can stand? I am awake every night with my heart pounding, pounding HARD, out of my chest. It is a constant reminder that I am not healthy right now. That gets old. So do the bills form the doctors and the expenses of all the vitamins and such form the health food store. I know I sound so negative, but this blog is meant for me to keep a record of life, and this is it at the moment. Fun or not fun, it's going on here.
Hubby found out through his physical that he has dangerously high blood pressure and cholesterol. So, now we are on to that issue. Not to mention, becoming adoptive parents. What in the world should we do? Well, life is proving to be more challenging as the days go on, but I know God has a plan, and His plan is perfect.
2 Corinthians 4:17-18 .......For our light affliction, which is for a moment, work for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; while we look not at the things that are seen, but at the things that are not seen, for the things that are seen are temporal, but the things that are not seen are eternal.
Reading His word or typing it just gives me peace. I want to be so deep into His word, and have it so IN me , that this is the first thing my mind calls upon when I am facing trials, or want to complain. Just 5 minutes of typing His word , brings such a peace. How amazing is it, that He is concerned for me, that He really does love me and has a plan for my life? The key is to follow Him daily and be a good listener. Let's just say, listening has always been a struggle for me. Not listening, obeying. Trust and obey, you know the song, for there's no better way. Well, it's true. I am learning this daily.
At the moment, hubby and I are discussing how to handle stress. He is convinced that I need to confront my fears and get on his motorcyle with him and go on a motorcycle ride. He thinks this is therapy.For me it screams death. Well, off I go to see how it goes. I will post later.

True Faith

I want to start my year off with true, strong, unwavering faith. I have learned this year that I am not in control. Let me repeat that for myself. I am not in control. I do not want to be in control because God is so amazing, I know His plans are for my best.Even if they are painful or unpleasant, He wants to help me become more like Him everyday. We are all called to be more like Jesus and it does not happen without some chiseling.
I was laughing to myself today thinking about the idea that my hubby and I are now 40 and getting old. We're having moles removed, having things checked that we have never had checked before, and now, I am sporting a very slight mustache that would make some teenage boys jealous. This has been pointed out to me twice in one day by both of my children. Let's just say I am thankful that my husband truly loves me or he would have left screaming this year! It has been a weird, growing, life changing year. But ya know, it has been kind of fun. I feel almost like a new person. God is amazing and I fully trust His plan for our life!

Oh my Goodness

Ok. The saga continues as we plow forward towards the moving finish line. It seems like everytime I think we are close to being finished with all of our paperwork for fostering , there is MORE TO DO! Goodness, are they serious? I have had more stuff checked on me and my family than the president had before he ran for office. And I am SERIOUS about that!
Well, we had another fun day. We are still having a blast with our new family members. It just seems like our family is complete now that they are here. I just want to hurry and get it to be permamant.
The older one, L, asked me today if I was over protective. I informed her that I am just doing the job God gave me to best of my ability. Here is an article I just sent to some friends YESTERDAy on this very subject. This is from an artice in the magazine Old Schoolhouse......

Do you "shelter" your children? We're finding that's a bad word in some circles. Something is creeping into the church (and even the homeschooling community), and it isn't biblical. It is an "anti-sheltering campaign" of sorts, and it's full of holes. Think about it. What does it mean to shelter? Protect. Defend. Guard. Preserve. Watch over. Shield. Safeguard. Hmmmm, so far so good, right? Sure, until "Christian pop psychology" comes in and tells us we should allow our children to taste a little of the world in order to understand it or pray for it (the kids being "salt and light" baloney in the public schools is a good example) - that we should not "over-shelter" them. Nonsense.

What's the opposite of shelter? Expose. Endanger. We parents are called to be like our Father in Heaven. He is the greatest "Shelterer" there ever was, and it is us He shelters - or watches over; protecting us, preserving us, shielding us. Is God missing something, here? Should He instead follow the advice of those (shamefully, some of these are even pastors!) who say to lay off a bit? Thankfully, the Lord is a bit wiser than that. Praise Him for this! Glory to God who knows how to parent (shelter) us perfectly!

May we as parents follow this model - His model. Let's continue to shelter (love) our children as He loves us. Dismiss the garbage that crawls in; don't buy it. We're promised there will be false teachers, liars in the church (and there are many). I want to keep my eyes focused on Christ, come what may.

By the way, someone once shared with me that when it comes to parenting, she would rather err on the side of being a little too careful/sheltering than to err on the wrong side. Paul and I agree wholeheartedly with this. We would prefer to be a tad "too" protective than to make a major mistake we can't take back once it's done. We've learned some hard lessons over the years.

And as our kids get much older, as we see the Truth in them growing as they take on their own relationship with the Lord, complete with Godly convictions, we can loosen up the reins a little. There's no set formula for this, though, so don't let anyone try and give you one. You know your children better than anyone, and can assess their maturity in the Lord best. After all, this is why you are homeschooling them (or did homeschool them through graduation), so that you can customize their education both academically, and most importantly, in God's word. But again, be careful. Do it slowly and if you're going to "go overboard", do so on the conservative end. Don't err on the wrong side.

And just to be clear, this doesn't mean to stop sheltering them. During the short time we have them, we have a responsibility to protect them and to guard them against ungodly influences and worldly displays the best we can. The wisest thing we can do right now is to soak them in God's word. Pour it into their hearts. Train them up in His ways so that as they get older and begin to leave the nest, they walk in Truth and can go out and start families, bringing their own children up (tightly to their hips) in the love and admonition of their Lord.

May your sweet children rise up and call you blessed for your faithfulness and hard work in raising them up in Christ. It's not easy, it's often thankless (for years), and you can fall into doubts, especially when you come up against a whining 14 or 16 year old who wants his way (and wants YOU out of his way). Don't give into the doubts; that's a trap. Rather, lovingly stand firm. God stands firmly beside us, sheltering us. May we do the same for our children.

"Glory to God who knows how to parent (shelter) us perfectly!"

Parents: Keep sheltering them. You are bringing them up in the love and admonition of the Lord, not in the latest "homeschool philosophy." God's word trumps any speaker! It dwarfs any author! May you be blessed as you continue to walk in obedience of His word.

Lord, thank you for sheltering me. Please never stop. "Over-shelter" if You will (if there is such a thing). Fine with me!

Over-protect, over-defend, over-guard me; please do! I'll take it all, Lord. Keep me tight to Your side. I'm safe in that place. There, I can breathe and thrive. It's where I find my hope in Christ.

For thou hast been a shelter for me, and a strong tower from the enemy. - Psalms 61:3

Action point: Do you need to repent to someone today for looking down on (judging) them? Have you been a thorn in another parent's side over this issue? Who have you scolded or cryptically "spoken to" about their "overbearance" in regards to their own children? It might be time to humbly pick up the phone or shoot off an email.

Parents who strongly shelter their children are to be praised, not made to feel inadequate or odd. That's the world lying to us, there. And this world is not our home.



well, I guess that is it for the day!
Blessings

Merry Christmas

What a day! We had our first Christmas as a family of 6.It was so much fun to see the kids this morning with our new members. I am amazed at the living, breathing blessings that God has given us this year . Every time I think about it I get emotional. They are so sweet and S and P are showing their awesomeness as well through their kindness.
It is so fun to spend the holidays with loved ones. My parents came over as usual and did Christmas morning. Then we ate breakfast with my new waffle maker, and then at 2 we left to go to Mark's side of the family. ( also mine but by marriage)
We had fun and visited until 8:45.
Now we are all home resting!
Blessings