New Things are Happening

Well, it's happening again. Change!!! Our oldest just started her first, official day of school outside of the home. I have had her with me every day since she was two. Our bond is like no other. It seems as if we might argue and fuss a lot but we really do have a great relationship. I have missed her so much this week. And our son is almost as tall as me and he is growing daily! Still such a great kid. I always enjoy his company. It will be just the two of us doing school this year. It's going to take some getting used to. I'm not very good ( actually I'm terrible ) at letting go. I dig in and hold on tightly. Everything else is going well. We have done some work on our house and I really like the choices we've made . It has made some of my chores much easier.
My health is getting better daily. I'm about 80% better and still have a little tweaking to do. But Lyme has taught me quite a few lessons for which I'll be forever grateful. It has strengthened my faith, made me grow as a person,helped me  learn to free fall trusting God's perfect plan and it has brought some wonderful new friends into my life. I wouldn't have it any other way. God is always good!!

Oh the Healing!

Well, three years later, 42 weeks of antibiotics, a whole lotta money, and lots of other stuff, I'm healing up inside and out! This Lyme journey has been somewhat of a Job feeling for me, ya know the Bible story of Job's life and all that he went through? I'm not saying I have it quite as bad as he did but I sure haven't had it too easy! But I have grown so much through this all that I wouldn't change it if I could. I've finally come to realize that God's will is now my will. I want what He wants for me. I used to try to control, control, control. But now, I just sit back amazed at God in all His power and glory! Really! He amazes me daily and I'm forever grateful for everything He's given me and for all the He hasn't given me.

We Are All Growing Older

Yesterday was the day it kind of sunk in, hard. Time is flying by. I have known that for years but it is gaining momentum quickly.

My daughter's boyfriend bought his first truck. He is a wonderful, responsible young man and has been working really hard to get to this point. He came over last night with his mom and dad and we all had dinner together. When they were leaving, as he was driving off, I was shocked at the reality of it all. He is the same age that my husband was when we started dating. There are so many similarities between the two of them ( my daughter and her boyfriend) and me and my husband. It is eerie.

I have to say that I wasn't planning on them dating, we planned on doing the whole "homeschool courting" thing, but such as life, it didn't happen that way. But from the beginning I have had a peace about it. I could not ask for any young man to treat our daughter better or to love her more. I hope and pray that they have  as much fun and love each other as much as me and my husband love each other. The fun isn't always there when you get older and life hits you, but with a true love, it makes it much better that if you were alone.

As the time flies by , I will try to soak it all in and love them all deeply!

Oktoberfest

We had a wonderful day today. We went and bought a ton of flagstone rocks to make a sitting area out back, got two big bags of gravel and then worked in the yard a few hours.  I am so excited to be getting things fixed up around here . I feel much more at ease, like I can rest a little, when things are taken care of first.

We then headed out with the kids, that usually always means my daughter's boyfriend too, and went to Oktoberfest . We had some fun there but honestly, it was too crowded and hectic for me . I did enjoy us all being together though. Anytime we can be together it doesn't matter where we go or what we do, I count it as a blessing. We ran into a high school friend who is a really neat guy but seems to be lost at this time of his life. It was so sad to see him like that after being raised in the church and so dedicated to his faith during his younger years. We plan on hanging out with him more and getting to know him again. It's been way too long since we've seen him.

I have still been making Christmas gifts. Today I made shampoo. It calls for 2 tsp. almond oil, 2 cups Dr. Bronner soap, and 2 cups coconut milk. It's pretty good but I forgot to use apple cider vinegar as a rinse to balance out the ph, so my hair feels like bad doll hair. But at least I'm learning on me before I give it as a gift to someone else.

Doggie Days of Broke!

The Three Amigos

These are our furry family members. I wanted to introduce them so you know why we will have very little extra cash for spending this month. It will cost $600 dollars for their heartworm tests and their medications. But they are totally worth it. Anyway, there they are. Onto the real post!

I am continuing on in my Kingdom Woman online book study and it has been great. I need to be filled with His word and in His word so that when I am at home dealing things and then especially when I leave my house I am better equipped and ready to deal with life. It is usually good but sometimes I need to call on scripture to fight off my fleshly ways. This usually looks like asking myself if I am acting in accordance with the Fruits of the Spirit. The book study and all the women that are taking it are helping me on this journey.

Let Yourself Off the Hook

Today Chyrstal was asking what areas we push ourselves too hard and what areas could we improve and maybe try harder. I have a fairly easy time answering this one because I just came out of a season, a few years that is, of learning to let go. It didn't happen easily, and I can't say it was a ton of fun, but I do know for sure that God knows exactly what I need and He has been busy with me.

I have tried to learn to let the house get messy, let the baseboards stay in need of touching up, let the kids have cereal sometimes, let the dogs stink and need a bath, let the garage be a mess, let the laundry sit at the end of my bed and actually go to sleep without doing it, and to try to chill out in many other areas I wanted to control before. This is just a small list of the hundreds of things I am trying to relax about.

 I know my husband and my kids would rather have a pleasant ,  happy person to be around than a grouchy person with a clean house. The time is going to fast , I want to enjoy it and not miss it because I am scrubbing and complaining .

I have let go of so much pressure and negative self-talk, trying to take my thoughts captive and really making time to be in the Word . Not just being a check-the-box and follow-these-rules person, but really taking time to pray and listen. Then listen and pray. It has really grown me and helped me learn a lot more about what areas I need to work on.

I haven't got it all figured out, I'm far from knowing very much, but I do know who is in control, and it sure isn't me.That has been the message LOUD and clear. I am grateful that He loves me enough to teach me the things He wants me to learn.

Family Time

My mother-in-law invited us over for a big family supper today. It was so nice of her to do all that hard work. My sister-in-law and her husband did the grilling and my father-in-law contributed to the fun as well. :)

I have been very busy working on Christmas gifts. Right now I am making felted wool dryer balls . They are so easy and fun to make. Good news is, they use essential oils instead of chemicals, cut way down on costs, and speed up drying time. I will post a picture when I have them ready.

Until Monday , have a great Sunday!

Kingdom Women Praying Today

Today is our second, or third, Friday to pray for each other. It is such a  wonderful thing  to read all of the requests and to see all the other women pray.

I had a great day today buying baby clothes for my great niece. One of our favorite resale stores has a $5 bag sale and I woke up an hour before I had intended and got there super early. Then I got to come home and look at all those cute clothes. What a blessing.

Now, onto the weekend.

Set Apart and Saved

Our discussion today was about hope, value and excellence. Chrystal explained how the gymnasts that we see at the Olympics probably dedicate 8-10 hours a day to their sport. This lends itself to excellence in that area. I know we can't spend that much time a day in prayer, but it is an example to earnestly seek the things that draw us and others to God. I think it boils down to priorities. I have a motto that I learned  few years back. Many people knew it long before me. "When you say yes to one thing you are saying no to something else." That's not bad, but if you hold it up against your standards and goals does what you're doing with your time measure up.

Here is my list of priorities.

1. God. This includes quiet time, Bible study, serving and anything else that keeps our eyes on God.
2. My husband and my kids. If I am given money for household needs ( groceries, clothes, decor, whatever our home needs to run) I am to be diligent in how I manage our house while my husband is away at work. My children are also an area I am commanded to be dedicated in disciplining and guiding. This is no easy chore but one that I am thankful to have and I take it seriously.  I love my kiddos a bunch! My duty to love and honor my husband is not one that I take lightly. I try very hard to be available and positive for him.
3. Family and friends. This includes extended family and friends. Cultivating and keeping the relationships that I cherish.
4. Health and wellness. This is the trouble area. Taking time to take care of me. I fail at this one daily.

So , if I get an offer to do an activity, a class, to hang out with friends or family, whatever the thing is that takes me away from the home, I measure it against this list. If it enhances any of these, great! If not, I try to see if it is best or necessary for me and/or the family. Lots of things will come up and lots of things might be fun, but do they get in the way of us fulfilling our goals. Then I have my answer.

When I am gone, I want to leave a legacy. Even if you're not conscious of it, you'll leave one. Will it be the legacy you WANT to leave? It takes some planning and I have to be intentional about our choices.
Everyone that knows me knows that I'm VEEEEEEERY far from perfect, far from getting it right, but God knows I try!

Surrendering It All

Surrender What? ALL of it!


As we all journey together on this road to being a Kingdom Woman, the question was asked about our ability to surrender and what it has meant to us? As usual, there were  many excellent responses and stories of God's amazing grace. There were stories of transplants God arranged , moms trying to let go of expectations and fear, so many great stories from women being real.

My story is a pretty easy one to tell. I was a worrier, health nut, fear-based-liver, on the road to trusting completely!

You see, God knew my weak spot. When people asked how I was doing, my response was always the same. "We are all healthy so life is good." I really said that all the time. Counting my blessings that we were all healthy. But God knew that was a weakness, a fear. What if I wasn't well? Could I still say life is good? Yes! After Lyme Disease and some years of practice. I can say it is still good even if I have to surrender it all to Him. I know He loves me and wants what is best for me and this is part of my training for what He needs me to do later, for His glory. I don't know what it is but He does and that's all that matters!

I have a quote that I found today.

Surrender to what is. Let go of what was. Have faith in what will be.

I really want to do this thing

I am always amazed at myself. Not in a good way but in a surprised way.

Looking at this blog you can see how inconsistent and scattered I can be. Not with school, home or relationships, just with some things. Now let me explain why I am even here again.

I am thinking that this time might be different. Maybe I have arrived at a place and time in my life where I can follow through with a hobby, a goal. We will see.

I have started a new book study with a wonderful group of women. All online, mostly all strangers to each other, until now. We are praying for each other, learning and growing. It is wonderful to see the power of women praying for each other and exciting to see what God has planned. The book is Kingdom Woman by Chrystal Evans Hurst and her dad, Tony Evans. I have really enjoyed the book but my biggest enjoyment is honestly seeing these women pray for each other, it is so encouraging.

A New Year

I am thrilled about this year. I have a new attitude and a positive outlook . Of course this does not come from me but from the Lord. I have been prayerfully choosing our curriculum and can tell that it works wonders to do it this way. Our daughter is using Tapestry of Grace year 2 and our son is in year 2 in Amblesideonline. Along with our change in curriculum, I have chosen to cut waaaay back on extra work and activities. This has given me the opportunity to be much more organized and calm. This creates a much more enjoyable environment around our casa. I hope to learn how to use my new iPad to upload school ideas and stuff onto my blog. So far, it's not happening. Until later, have a great Monday !

A wonderful new school year

I can hardly believe how old our daughter is. She is in 8th grade and so mature. You hear it said a million times, how fast it goes, but until it passes you by, you really don't get it.
Our boy is growing up too and still just as fun as ever. It is nice to have one that is still innocent and young.
They are both doing really good in school and behaving very well . I have seen lots of change in them over the past year since I have been more deliberate in my parenting and time management.

One thing that has really blessed me ( and countless others I am sure) is http://www.flylady.com/. It is a time management/motivational site that keeps moms flying on track. You can have it sent to you daily and read it every morning. Today I had to clean my car and purse. well, I swapped it for my kitchen and organized there instead. But the point is, I did something! And it feels so good. I could open that cabinet door and look at it all day.

Well, I will start posting school things soon. Until then, blessings!

A new year

Well, another year is flying by. I have been amazed at the amount of time it takes to actually blog.

I have been trying to have a set time with God each day, exercise daily, AND blog.

So far, I have been kind of successful. My next challenge is to learn how to transfer pictures from my camera to the laptop to my blog. Whew, I am tired just thinking about it. BUT, our school year is starting in 3 weeks and I want to track it daily on my blog. The good, the bad, the ugly of our year. I also would like to learn how to copy things from the internet and put them on my blog. Like videos and articles with lessons and such.

Maybe I need a mascot, like a sock monkey. I love sock monkeys.

I can take pictures of the sock monkey doing things, like school. He would be a good, obedient student. Maybe I am on to something. Hmmmm...

Back to the original thoughts,blog more, exercise, but most importantly, God time.

My hubby and I had a discussion last night, now remember, this is an honest blog.

If Adam and Eve were the only people we all decended from them. We know that, BUT,

Cain took a wife in Nod. Or, took a wife To Nod. So, how did they reproduce? It said that Adam and Eve had many daughters and sons and THEY all had kids. This was ok in biblical times because God allowed it UNTIL he later told Abraham that it was not ok anymore. Well, until further notice , this is the extent of my reasearch.

Until next time.....

What a Month

What a wonderful month. We had a HUGE surprise party for my parent's 50th Anniversary . We invited about 60 of their friends and family, including all three siblings and almost all of their families. My parents were SHOCKED beyond belief. My mom and dad were so impressed with how well we all pulled it off and my response was that we were raised to love each other and work well together, now you get to reap the benefits of how you raised us. What a blessing it is to truly enjoy your family. Not because you have to, but because you like them. I would hang around all of them even if we weren't related. I thank God for choosing this family for me to be a part of!

The gift of friendship

I am here to tell you without friends and God, I might be insane by now. I will be the first to admit that at the age of 27, with my first betrayal by a friend, I built some high, strong walls. I was so sure that there was not a great need for friendship, the risk was too great. Well, I met a friend who made me open up. We hung around each other for quite a while with no real obligations. Just a generic friendship. Then we started joking about things wondering if "this" means we are actually friends. Well, I am so blessed and so thankful for the friendship she has offered me. I love having friends and have had others now since her. God has used her to show me, the risk is well worth the reward. And I am no perfect friend anyway.
My friends have blessed my socks off in the last month or so through some very hard times. Actually, more like the last year really. And that is something new to me, love of friendship! You know who you are.
The one with short brown hair and 4 kids. Fellow God seeker, homeschooler. THANKS!
I also should mention the gift of a deeper kind of friendship, that of A spouse. My hubby has stood by me through some very challenging times lately, and continued to love and support me. Since I have been a wee kid of 16, I have liked AND loved him. That is another thing I am so thankful for, the gift of love. Thanks honey for being there for me.

Getting better

I am awaken this morning to a new revelation. I need to work on me. No other person can change all of this except for me. I also am very concerned about teaching my kids, especially my mini me, about choosing to act the right way. I always tell her it might not be easy, but it is a choice. HELLLO! Do I get it? Even when it is hard and messy, look at yourself and see what you can choose to do differently. Where can you grow or change? I have just as many, if not more, faults as the next guy.
I wnat to fully recover, and then enjoy life more. Do I know things might be difficult every once in a while, yup. Is it worth it, yup.
I know I will stand before God one day, or be face down in awe in front of him.
I will have to answer to him for my actions and my thoughts. I am resposible for how I react. NOT for how others choose to act.
The people I have been dealing with lately in my family have told me they love me, on my hubby's side as well as mine. I need to appreciate that, AND count my blessings. I am praying that my in-laws will all forgive me, for the things I have said, and understand I was just hurting bad and was crying out from sadness, not meaness.
I have such a peace about it all today, knowing God is in control and that His ways are perfect.
I will not act as the world does, I will choose love and kindness, because God wants me to!
I will hold myself accountable for all the wrong things I do, my own faults and short comings.
This will all help in my healing, my health, and it will help in the health of others around me that I have hurt. Wrong or right, who is to say I am right and they are wrong?
We all play a part and I know that!
I have to say how much this time in life has brought my hubby and I closer together. He has shown me so much grace, I have seen his heart for me and seen how much he loves me. He deserves a happy, healthy family and I can be very instumental in helping that happen.

I beg your pardon, I never promised you a rose garden

Is it ever important to learn early in life, sometimes life will just not be fair/
I am so thankful to have a blog I can run to, knowing just a few can read it. 2 to be exact, who know I exist here.
I can not believe the things that have happened the last few days. I am so sad.
I can not go into detail because it involves family, but I am a changed person. I will not go the way of the world and act as they want, but I am wiser and will remeber lessons I have learned. Kind of like messing with a dog that had food when you were ak id, and it bites you? I have learned many lessons, and I know God has a plan for it all.
My SIL came today and packed up all the girl's stuff, she has decided to adopt them now. I am sad to the bone. And there is a lot more thatn that has gone on.
I will forgive, but I will not forget.

God , I hurt so bad

I am surprised at a revelation I had today. Mark and I were talking and realized we had the same kind of thing happen last year that happened this year. Drama. I am so sad right now I can not even explain how bad I hurt. Life is very messy right now, it has been, and it won't get better soon. I have virtually just had two miscarriages. Not literally, but in my heart. The girls we want to adopt, will probably not be able to be adopted after all. This is not my choice! I will NEVER be the same again. EVER!!!!!!!!!!
I do not want to talk to anyone, I feel like cutting off communication with everyone. Except a few people that is.
I am so sick and tired of having to defend my choices, and then being called judgemental when I ASK a question, not even making a smartelic remark or rude comment. Double standards are killing me.
It's not about that stuff really, it's about the injustice in life. I can no longer even use energy thinking about this stuff. God has a plan and His plan is perfect. That is all I have to say.
I have cried rivers and I am DONE!

Ugh

I can honestly say I am very surprised at life right now. Ya know, I never had days where I wasn't thankful for my health, and now, I wish I had one day I felt good. This roller coaster of adrenal fatigue and no progesterone is horrible on a person's day. Not to mention , family. My kids have not had a fun, energetic mom in a long time. although they will tell you they like a mom at home sitting on the couch better! That is if I felt good.
This whole chiseling process is waring me down this year. I have been sick since July and I am not sure how much more I can stand? I am awake every night with my heart pounding, pounding HARD, out of my chest. It is a constant reminder that I am not healthy right now. That gets old. So do the bills form the doctors and the expenses of all the vitamins and such form the health food store. I know I sound so negative, but this blog is meant for me to keep a record of life, and this is it at the moment. Fun or not fun, it's going on here.
Hubby found out through his physical that he has dangerously high blood pressure and cholesterol. So, now we are on to that issue. Not to mention, becoming adoptive parents. What in the world should we do? Well, life is proving to be more challenging as the days go on, but I know God has a plan, and His plan is perfect.
2 Corinthians 4:17-18 .......For our light affliction, which is for a moment, work for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; while we look not at the things that are seen, but at the things that are not seen, for the things that are seen are temporal, but the things that are not seen are eternal.
Reading His word or typing it just gives me peace. I want to be so deep into His word, and have it so IN me , that this is the first thing my mind calls upon when I am facing trials, or want to complain. Just 5 minutes of typing His word , brings such a peace. How amazing is it, that He is concerned for me, that He really does love me and has a plan for my life? The key is to follow Him daily and be a good listener. Let's just say, listening has always been a struggle for me. Not listening, obeying. Trust and obey, you know the song, for there's no better way. Well, it's true. I am learning this daily.
At the moment, hubby and I are discussing how to handle stress. He is convinced that I need to confront my fears and get on his motorcyle with him and go on a motorcycle ride. He thinks this is therapy.For me it screams death. Well, off I go to see how it goes. I will post later.